I'm a Big Kid Now!... we'll almost.

To My Dearest Fan Club, 

I'm assuming you're only reading this is A) you find the same sick fasination with reading other people's blogs that I do or B) you are bored out of your mind.  Either way, I hope it provides you what you're looking for.

I can hardly believe it! It dawned on me today that I'm really  graduating!  I know I've blogged, or blabbed (take your pick) about this prior, but it seems like such a surreal concept.  I counted the other day and I've been in school for 19 years (this April), I'll spare you the math... that makes me 23.  I can't tell how I really feel about it yet.  Some days it's so exciting and others it's nothing short of a terrifying though.  I guess it's cause my future is so uncertain.  

I'm looking at jobs everyone, like adult jobs... no longer is my hope to have a part-time job, but rather to become an asset to society an join the work force.  Weird.

I'm not sure what persuaded me to check my graduation status, but it says 95% complete right now.  As soon as October 25th rolls around (and permitted I pass all my classes between now and April) I'll be able to walk with the class of 2011.  Bizzar!!  

I guess that's what has been going through my mind today.  It's been a humbling experience.  Yesterday I had a conversation with ...someone(s)... that helped me to recognize that while it's good to dream big, it's important to also see reality.  Translation:  I'll be applying for teaching positions in UTAH starting in April for the fall of 2011. (Eek!!) So, if you know of any schools that will be looking for teachers, let me know. :)  In the mean time, I'm trying to not pull my hair out as I juggle classes, working and somewhat of a social life. 

Funny how life works out, huh?

You're truly, 
Brittish Knees

My Stinkin' Thinkin': A Hodge-Pogde of Random Thoughts

It's funny how when we're children we often think of how wonderful life will be as we grow up.  Indeed life is wonderful.  I get to choose what I want on the menu, buy a car, attend the University of my choice, pick a career, buy that new hot pair of shoes, or purchase that candy bar in the checkout line that taunts me every time I go through the grocery store line.  Don't be mislead though, along with all of the freedoms and experiences we also attain the crappy things also tag along.  Things like insurance (both health and automotive), adult jobs (which I suppose could be good and bad... at the moment my lack of one presents this to be a draw back of adult life), and DRAMA.  All of which are things I despise. 

In lieu of these lovely decisions that are rapidly entering into my future I've been investigating jobs I could apply for.  Immediately after graduation my goal is to have be hired as a counselor to the EFY program and work somewhere on the east coast for the summer.  (Bliss, I know!)  After the summer comes and goes I'm hoping for one of two things to happen:  1) Some awesome, fantastic jobs will fall into my lap ... I meaning that I'll have worked hard and scouted it out or 2) I'll feel comfortable enough and have a strong desire to start a teaching career.  If neither of these things happens, which I'm assuming (but not hoping) will be the case... I'm not so sure what I'll do with my life.

It's funny, I never pictured this phase of my life to be this way: unmarried, happy with being single, an almost college graduate and looking for a professional job.  I guess the one thing that provides me comfort is knowing that I've been promised blessings and if I live up to my end of the bargain they'll come... probably not in my time but they will come. :)  Yeah for putting trust in He who's got it all worked out!!

The last month or so has been quite... eventful: Shaun got his mission call, which is still setting in;  Marci got her's shortly after Shaun, which I'm ecstatic about, yet very sad to say good bye to one of my best girl friends for a year and a half, oh!  Hayley (my more or less sister) also got her call.  It's the month of missionary calls I guess. This has brought this odd sadness/elation all combined into one emotion.  It's a little like taking table spoon of salt on a deliciously fresh peach; yucky but absolute bliss all in one bite.

On a little lighter note, I got my field assignment which will be in a first grade classroom (I'm very nervous, but also excited about it).  This is also the classroom where I'll be doing my student teaching this spring... the spring prior to graduation... the graduation that makes me a responsible adult.  Weird.

I've found myself struggling this semester, not academically, but more just finding that umph to get back into the swing of school.  For whatever reason, this has been particularly difficult for me.  (I think it's an awful disease that's been going around our cohort called, senioritis, nasty little bugger.  Haha.) I'm banking on the hope that when we get into the schools I'll be more driven to really absorb all I can in class rather than dreading to attending.  *Please please PLEASE!!*

Today I also started looking for "big kid jobs."  What a scary thought.  As I was looking into rantings of various districts in places outside of Utah it gave me the same feeling you get as you get ready for a date with a guy you're nuts about: crazy excited but also incredibly nervous and a little sick.  This experience has been a little bit of a newsflash to me that my adolescent years are very much over and it's time to move onto being an adult, not just a college student, but an adult.  Honestly... I'm not sure how much I like the idea of that.  I guess only time will tell.

I guess what it really boils down to is up until this point in my life I never really planned for the future... well at least not like this.  I always assumed my life would have taken a different path (okay, so it was marriage) however it seems as though this was a blessing.  I've had a chance to explore parts of the world that I otherwise wouldn't have, I've met awesome people and made some life long friends.  I've grown so much emotionally and spiritually and if nothing else I'm incredibly grateful for the series of events that brought about that growth; despite the tears and frustration, but not to forget the joy and elation  that often accompanied them.  My stinkin' thinkin' has lead me to believe that I'm nothing short of blessed.  Despite my daily, weekly, monthly, and annually struggles I've got a warm bed to sleep in, a family who loves me and a career ahead of me that will bring me satisfaction and joy for the rest of my working career.  Luck me! :)

Well, whether this all made sense to you or not doesn't really matter to me.  The point of this was to unload my brain of all the things that have been causing me joy and excitement.  Hopefully it was a little bit enjoyable to you, if not... well you're the one who kept reading.  Until next time,

You're semi-faithful blogger,

Brittish Knees

Faith or Fear?

This morning I was in my Institute class where we've been studying the Doctrine and Covenants.  The question my teacher posed to open the class discussion was to think of five reasons why I need the Atonement of Jesus Christ in my life.  My initial thought was because I'm a dork and do things I shouldn't (not really bad things mind you... but just things I shouldn't) daily. 

As our discussion finished and the class was wrapping up someone brought up the concept of having enough faith in the Savior and our Father in Heaven to do what they would have us do.  (Did that make sense?  Hope so.)  That really struck a chord with me.  I'm quickly approaching a crossroad in my life (graduation, getting a big kid job, mission?, dating??, moving out again, etc.), where I'm faced with several decisions that can and will play a major role concerning my future (see list above).  It became clear to me today that while I've made what I thought would be the best decision (mind you decision making in general is kind of a downfall of mine, in general), that my rational behind making them was of a very selfish nature. 

Thus today my frame of mind has been changed.  Today I'm looking my fear (of life) in the eyeballs and have made the decision that I'll conquer it!  BAM! ROASTED!!  Today I commit that I'm going to move forward with faith rather than fretting in fear.

On a liter note: Yesterday I was sick with that crappy cold that's going around and wanted to die in my bed as I was listening to John Bytheway (don't mock me).  But today I'm surviving work and my head only feels like a balloon with a perturbing stuffy nose (on only one side... how does that work??).  Huzzah!!  Welp, at least I'm getting the bug over and will be done with prior to Field...  :) 

Welp, use hand sanitizer and even if you're sick, be grateful cause it means your alive. :)

A glimps into my brain...

The last few days have been nothing sort of weird. A good month plus ago I'd made up my mind concerning a certain issue I'd been battling (and mind you I thought I'd won) and low and behold, the human part of me informed me I was everything but correct. The issue is irrelevant, so I won't bore you with details. However I will let you know of the conclusions I've come to. In order to adequately fill you in, I'll let you into the corners of my thinking. Here goes:

I don't find it any kind of ironic that life works out the way that it does. That somehow everything seems to just work out. Whether that is finding $5 to pay for gas as you're pinching pennies before the next pay check or miraculous passing a test... or miserably failing so that the following semester you'll come in contact with someone who'll influence and bless your life (not necessarily a spouse... come on everyone!). I'm convinced that the reality is that there is a Higher Being, even a Supreme Being watching over us in every phase of life.

If you're anything like me, you're thinking: "Yeah, that's easy to say when life is blissful and nothing in going wrong." To that I reply, WRONG! For me, it's during the times of struggle and trial that I'm comforted in my faith and knowledge that I do know there is a God and that He is aware of me. I know life is hard, and the beauty is that it was meant to be. I don't have the miracle cure all for many situations I encounter in life, but I guess that doesn't matter to me cause I know it'll all work out.

Welp, until next time. Keep trudgin' through the mud, it'll all work out okay.

In Rememberance...(a few weeks late)

These last few days have been rather interesting. My has undergone some minor changes that have impacted us as a whole (nothing to worry about, so don't be concerned), I've been either a week ahead or behind in my classes, and this morning my family found out that one of our Earthly Angels passed on to the next life.

Daily life has been fairly typical, but for some reason this death has affected me more than I'd anticipated. Maybe it's because I didn't even come close to anticipating it.  Don't read me wrong, I'm not to the point that I'm no longer able to function or that I'm a basket case, but it's caused me to reflect a lot on the impact we can have one each other during our experiences here on Earth. At this time I'd like to offer my condolences to the Brinkman family. I know they'll probably never come across this blog, but I'd like it to be on record that I'm personally grateful for the influence that Curt Brinkman had on not only my life, but more directly on the life my family as a whole.

As I've reflected about the potential of each of our lives, I'm overwhelmed with the amount of good we can do. I'm convinced that this mortal experience wasn't designed to only help ourselves, those abroad, those with life-changing challenges but also those with whom we regularly interact. I believe that a portion on my purpose is to be a shoulder to cry on, to serve as an encouragement to press forward, to help others endure their trials, learn from the good bad and ugly and to help those I love see the long term value of these hardships. Thus, today I vow that I'm going to do all I can live my life a little more like Curt, to end my "service project" mentality and change the way I look at life; to see it as an opportunity to serve my family and neighbors, strangers and my God.

It's kind of a big deal...

For those of you who've not yet heard, or maybe you have and forgot, or you didn't and I'm a super excited big sister: my brother got his mission call and...

...drum roll please!!...

Elder Shaun Christian has been called to serve and Lord and the people in the Mexico Hermosillo Mission!!!!

In honor of an im-port-tan-te dia a mi casa.

Today is a day we've been anxiously waiting for for the past...

19 years

(and I've kinda secretly been dreading for the past year or so). Today Shaun got his "big white envelope" in the mail. For those of you who aren't familiar with the significance of this let me fill ya in.

My family and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Part of our religion requires all faithful young men to serve a mission where they will spread the Gospel (our beliefs) to a specified place in the world. This mission will be full time for up to two years, at their own expense. I know this sounds like a lot to sacrifice, and it is. However I've seen the fruits of partaking in such a work as I watched my older brother serve and I know the blessings from Our Creator surpass everything that could be obtained otherwise.

Missionaries often wear tags like the one below setting them apart from the average person you'd meet on the street. They work hard everyday from 6:30 am to 10:30 pm teaching, serving and looking for people who are interested in hearing their message.

As I process the significance of today I find myself incredibly excited for this new chapter in not only my brother's life, but also in the life of my entire family. Missions have helped to bring my family together in the past and I anticipate that again in the future. My excitement for my brother most certainly out-weighs the sadness I'll feel as he leaves but I couldn't be more pleased to have such a good example of obedience in a best friend.

So until you open the white envelope that holds so much of your not so distant future... thanks for everything Buddy!